Tracks

Tracks
By Tobie Abad
Genre: Romance
Archetype Cards: A repentant Traitor and the Tomboy
Keywords: blindness, amulet, disease, diamond, cries in the night, and betrothal.

She could not believe her own eyes.
In a single day, at least six hundred fifty thousand people would pass through the train station heading to their jobs, to their lovers, to their doctors, to their families, and their fates. Six hundred fifty thousand faces moving in chaotic concert towards their daily destinations. People of all sorts with different families, different dreams, and different responsibilities, all hoping that time and space could somehow fold and allow them to miraculously make it to their goals despite the heat and undeniable grasp of the uncaring swamp of slow-moving strangers. Those who could drive embraced the comforts of their vehicles. Others would find themselves riding with strangers as they trusted the security provided by a downloadable app. But for people like Kelly, with funds not quite at the levels necessary for indulging in personal chauffeurs, traveling around the metro means riding the train. And yet, despite the unlikelihood of finding a familiar face among a sea of over half a million strangers, there he was standing at the front of the counter, arguing with the woman behind the glass panel. There was no mistaking it was Arman with his bronze skin that looked as if he lived on a beach; densely packed shoulders that accentuated his enormously chiseled arms and chest; the trunk-like thick neck that proudly carried his angular face; the dark, short, cropped hair on his crown; the ears that were slightly too small; the eyes that seemed deeply set against his skull. He still made her gasp just like she did four years ago when they first met in a drunken haze of cigarette smoke, strobe lights, and rave music. There he was.
The man who broke her heart.
He never apologized for how things turned out in the end. He remained blind to the different ways he betrayed her trust and on that final night when she caught him torridly kissing some other woman at some newly opened ramen place, she asked him to explain how he could do such a thing despite them being together for three years. Arman merely wiped the lipstick smeared against his chin then scratched the back of his head. He had no words to explain his actions. He offered no excuses.
But neither did he ever ask for forgiveness.
Kelly was devastated.
The two used to laugh a lot when they were together. They shared a disdain for politics and were closet geeks. Outside of Arman’s wanderlust for adventure and tendency to dive into any sport that contained the word board in it, he had a secret passion for board games, science fiction, and fantasy. He found the sandworms of Dune to be magnificent monsters and loved to imagine himself in post-apocalyptic situations. At such moments, Kelly was fascinated by how Arman imagined life in such a changed world. They debated on the likelihood of events and joked about the need to boost their chances of survival in such environments. Kelly did not read as much as Arman did, but she had her share of strange worlds to invite him to. She opened his eyes to the pun-filled tales of the demon Xanth and the collaborative quests provided by role-playing games. Arman felt at home in the world of gaming. By the second month of their relationship, Arman even began writing his own game systems.
She remembered their first game session quite clearly. Wanting to introduce him to something new, yet not too unfamiliar, Kelly chose to use a fantasy game where dogs had replaced humans. Arman and a few other friends played that afternoon and had an insanely fun time. Yuri opted to play a bard bulldog who rapped about how he always was treated like someone dangerous despite only wanting to find true love. Chad was a shih tzu scout whose honed senses could smell a ripe banana half a mile away. Arman played a warrior who used a massive war hammer and the group could barely stop laughing when they realized the fierce combatant was a toy poodle. The three were camped by the Whispering Willows when they heard cries in the middle of the night. Tracking the sound, they found a wounded Yorkshire cornered by giant predatory insects. Green blood spilled that night as the heroes fought the deadly spiders and won. By the next morning, Arman had written up a short story based on the game and was roaring to play some more. Kelly knew at that moment there was something special between them. And time together fanned that spark into a flame.
“Kelly.”
The first impulse most people feel upon hearing their name unexpectedly is the feeling they’ve done something wrong. Maybe it was a reaction instilled in us after years of being scolded by our parents for being too curious. Or too childish. We remember those times when our parents would prefix a proper scolding with a stern declaration of our names. Those moments the teacher would snap at us with our family names though that may have happened before or after a thrown piece of chalk reached our face. The mere utterance of one’s name meant you’ve done something bad.
“Kelly, that is you.”
Kelly turned to find Arman staring straight at her. He shoved his wallet down the rear pocket of his jeans and walked up to her with a welcoming smile on his face. Kelly took a step back, unconsciously heeding the call of her body to flee the area. Her mind, however, silenced that voice. She planted her feet down on the ground and raised her head to look at him. The image of him still made her inhale sharply. The memory of him quickened her heart. But she knew better than to betray herself and show she still had feelings for him. She resisted the urge to smile and turned towards him with a detached gaze as she said, “Arman. It has been a few years.”
“Don’t I get a hug?”
Arman did that half-smirk smile that he did so well. That face. That puppy dog look that made Kelly melt. That smile made her want to pull him close and plant her lips against his as they explored each other once more with their arms. Their tongues. Their-
“Sorry,” Kelly shrugged, “Kind of in a rush.” She started walking towards the escalator despite wanting to stay and talk to him a bit more. She began to realize despite the attraction, she didn’t forget all the reasons they broke up. She wanted to confront him. To scream in his face. To demand answers to all those questions that suffocated her quiet nights and taunted her on lonely afternoons. Her feelings for Arman were a mixed bag of anger and longing, that was true. But Kelly was still painfully aware of how much of the anger could be traced back to him. To his actions. And his inaction. His insufferable need to always seem blameless. His willful ignorance of his selfish worldview.
Not a single time has Arman ever apologized for those arguments. Early in the relationship, he claimed they were healthy. They were moments of “getting to know each other.” They were signs of learning, to be honest with one another. Later in their time together, after the first instance of catching him flirting with someone online, he explained the fights as growing pains. As “learning to let go of past patterns.” Of slip-ups that shouldn’t happen again.
“Hey Kelly,” Arman had followed her down the escalator. She realized maybe that was what this was all about. A karmic moment of finally getting to say everything she never said before. Back when the mess was fresh, she believed silence was the better way to deal with the drama. She simply disconnected from social media and cut any communication with him off after they broke up. Perhaps this was the chance she had long been hoping to have. The moment to say everything she didn’t get to scream at his face.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Arman sighed.

All the words that were about to find release disintegrated and were replaced by a single syllable. Kelly stopped walking and turned around to face Arman. She didn’t even realize she had gasped out, “What?” in response.
“I am sorry,” Arman repeated. He broke eye contact and stared at his own shoes for a few seconds. Then looked back into her eyes. Kelly could see Arman squirming. It was like he was shrinking each passing second she remained silent. She chose to stay silent all the more. “I was… No, I am a jerk. I acted stupidly. I treated you badly. And now that we happened to bump into each other again after all that time, I just wanted to apologize before you disappear again,” Arman explained. His voice trembled as he spoke. He bit his lower lip in anticipation. He looked scared.
Kelly didn’t know why tears began to well up in her eyes. She turned away, angry at her body once more betraying her and showing emotion when she would rather display only strength and indifference. She pinched the space between her eyes with one hand while the other hand was held up towards Arman to motion him to stay away. Arman did not move. For some odd reason, Kelly found herself remembering that one day she and Arman played this board game that had circular pieces and tiny colorful gemstones. The object of the game was to bring your pieces to the other end before your opponent did. But players could also rotate the circular platforms, which could confound their opponent or maneuver their own pieces to more advantageous positions. In many ways, it felt like what was happening now. It was her move. And how she spun things would decide who had an advantage. Who would move forward toward their goal?
She did not, however, know what her goal was. This morning began quite simply enough. The alarm rang to wake her from her fitful sleep. She stumbled into the shower to bathe the sleepiness away and shampoo energy into her hair. She made her face, coordinated her clothes, and pondered on her shoes. She liked wearing her more fancy shoes but commuting made them a painful indulgence. Rubber flats it would be today. Jeans. A simpler top. She would have preferred wearing a skirt but a ride on the train meant closer proximity with too many potential freaks who had no sense of personal space. Shorts would have been just as bad.
A call came in the night before. Kelly learned that one of the companies she sent her resume to was interested in interviewing her. Chad must have tilted interest in her favor since Chad was the friend who suggested she try there. The interview was today, and already Kelly was running out of time. Traffic had consumed more than the amount of time she had allocated for travel.
“I can’t do this. I don’t have time,” Kelly shook her head, “I’m sorry.”
“Let me ride with you. At least let me explain things,” Arman pleaded. The wind began to pick up. An electronic display showed a timer counting down. People began to huddle closer to the painted marking on the floor denoting where the doors of the train would be. Kelly fiddled with the amulet dangling from the chain around her neck. She fingered its intricate pattern and closed her eyes. She imagined flipping a coin into the air to help her decide. In her mind, heads meant she would let him talk. Tails would mean she’d ignore him and ride the train without a word. She imagined flipping the coin into the air as the train roared beside them. She imagined catching the coin as the train came to a stop. She realized her thoughts screamed, “Let it be heads!” She realized she did want to hear what he had to say.
“Fine,” she told Arman. “In the train. You have until my stop.”
People are funny creatures. At moments of extreme emotion, the most unexpected things come to mind. Stories abound of people giggling at cemeteries, or of family members laughing while at the bedside of their loved one’s death bed, and it isn’t because those people were horrible. It was because when intense emotional moments occur, the human brain at times chooses that very moment to bring up unexpected associations with the ongoing event. Perhaps for the group laughing at the cemetery, they found themselves reliving a hilarious time the deceased had once spent with them. Or maybe at the hospital, as death slowly wrapped its indiscriminate arms around the parent, the child remembered a touching moment when the two of them once had such a huge fight, they screamed at each other how much they wanted the other to be dead; screams that now clearly were the furthest from the truth. It was as if the heart struggled so much with the overwhelming feelings that the brain tried to cope by drawing a memory that had brought so much joy.
Kelly found herself remembering the day Arman confessed his feelings for her. They were close to the pier, walking along the loose rocks and noisy birds. People were all around them, enjoying the view and the salty ocean spray. Lovers took selfies with the ocean at their backs. Street children tossed makeshift fishing lines into the swirling waters, eager to catch any fish that may bite. Kelly and Arman had been sort of dating on and off for the last few weeks. He, then, was handling some kind of family business during the day and would free up his nights to meet with her. She, on the other hand, worked nights and she would meet with Arman to have lunch at the stroke of midnight. They stared into each other’s eyes and laughed when they realized how long they’d both been silently lost in the moment. Their fingers would occasionally brush against each other’s hands. Their feet would find comfort in resting against the other’s. It was a sensation of calm. A feeling of security. A warmth.
“You still wear it,” Arman’s voice drew Kelly back to the present. He pointed with his lips at the object dangling around Kelly’s neck. “Wasn’t that the gift I got you before?”

“I… got used to wearing it. I don’t really wear it for any other reason,” Kelly knew she sounded defensive, but she didn’t have anything else to say about it. She didn’t really know why she kept wearing the amulet. The train had arrived. The horde of waiting commuters began to press forward even as the new arrivals tried to squeeze their way out of the train. Kelly felt Arman brace his arms around her protectively. He kept back enough to avoid touching her, but used his body to protect her from the shoving crowd. They stumbled into the train and felt the pressure ease up as they moved deeper into the air-conditioned caboose. As doors began to close. Arman gently ushered Kelly further into the train. They were far enough from any risk of getting caught between the moving doors. Kelly backed up to the closest wall and leaned against it to steady herself. Arman stayed about a foot away and reached up to hold onto the middle handrails. Their eyes met.
And before either of them could say anything, the train jostled forward and they both broke eye contact.
Arman steadied himself with the handrail, using his left hand to grab the bar while his hand cupped his left bicep, steadying his core. Kelly glanced out the window and watched as the city rushed by, with the trees and electric posts alongside the colorful buildings and flailing buntings. The morning sun was casting shadows on them. Kelly felt imprisoned by the long dark lines of shadow.
Kelly remembered a similar time when bars cast shadows on her face. They were at some beach house owned by one of Arman’s friends. The rest of their companions were laughing as they splashed in the cool waters of the infinity pool. She wasn’t feeling too well that night, and despite the urge to have fun with the others, she opted to stay at the second-floor bedroom overlooking the pool. She felt imprisoned that night, sitting by the window and watching the rest of her friends having fun.
That was one of the more memorable nights she had with Arman. He was downstairs with the others, despite wanting to stay and keep her company upstairs. They drove for over two hours to get to the beach house and Kelly knew Arman deserved to still have fun despite her condition. She caught some kind of bug and felt nauseated for most of the day. Arman was worried she was sick or had been struck down by some disease, but Kelly reassured him it was just vertigo from the long drive. He tried to convince her he’d be okay just sitting it out with her. But she insisted she has fun and forced him to leave her in the room. So, he spent the whole time checking up on her every now and then, bringing her sliced fruit and snacks whenever he thought she needed something to lift her spirits. By the time she was feeling much better, it was past midnight and the group was hanging out by the karaoke machine singing the night away. Arman saved her a spot near the window and the two just cuddled against the cold wind blowing from the sea.
She wondered if today was going to end in any happy way as well. She had long pegged Arman as being completely blind to how much of an idiot he tended to act. How insensitive he usually ended up facing any complications that arose. But today, he seemed to be presenting an unexpected side of him. Kelly did not know if it was a good thing. She did not want to get hurt again.

“You probably really hate me for everything that happened,” Arman sighed, “And rightly so I guess given how I’ve acted back then. I really was a jerk. You know how people sometimes say when you’re young you’re free to make mistakes. But I guess I really went overboard with that. I was immature.”
“You were,” Kelly replied without looking at him. Her eyes were focused on the distant horizon. Arman could tell from her body language she wasn’t comfortable. He knew she tried to hide the frown on her face, but there was no hiding it from her eyes. “I was,” he replied and rested his chin on his own forearm. He absent-mindedly kicked on the ground with his heel. “I’m really sorry, Kelly. I owe you a lot of apologies for hurting you so many times back then.”
“It’s fine. That was the past. We’ve dealt with it,” Kelly said.
“Doesn’t mean it is all alright though,” Arman admitted, “And I guess that’s why I made it a point to approach you this time.”
“This time?”
“I saw you a week ago. You were in line ahead of me at the ticket booth. I wanted to reach out to you then but I was too busy,” Arman explained.
“Of course, you were,” Kelly grumbled.
“No wait, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“There’s a lot of things you said that you didn’t mean,” Kelly added. Arman looked away, but it was clear Kelly’s statement struck a chord in him. He shook his head and closed his eyes. This is the point he will just walk away, Kelly thought. This is the point he’ll get pissed off and just end the conversation like he used to.
“You’re right,” Arman sighed.
Kelly turned to look at him, surprised to hear him admitting his faults. In the past, when they’d get into arguments, he would simply shut up and stop talking. He would just walk off and bury himself in some videogame or pour himself into some book and keep everything else bottled up inside. Then he’d come back to her when tempers had died out and act as if everything was okay. But things weren’t okay and it would simply piss Kelly off more and more.
But today. Today he actually kept talking.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to learn to listen. To pay attention. To be present. I didn’t value your side as much as I should have back then. I didn’t value you, and I was an idiot for doing that. I was a fool.” Arman reached up and brushed his hand across his face. Was he wiping back tears? Kelly thought. She wasn’t sure. But Arman’s voice began to waver. Each word seemed much harder to bring forth from his lips.
“When I saw you a week ago, I began to remember everything we went through. Everything we… no, everything I did. And I admit now that a large part of everything I did back then was wrong. I shouldn’t have left you to handle things alone. I shouldn’t have left you to wonder if I cared for what you had to say. I shouldn’t have just disregarded those times you’d be angry and you’d complain because those were times you were trying to communicate to me what you needed for us to be better. I saw them just as nagging. I saw them just as something annoying. I… I’m so sorry, Kelly. I really am sorry I made you feel like you didn’t matter.”
Neither of them noticed the people on the train watching them. Neither of them cared at this point. After all that time apart, it felt like they were the only people on the train. Kelly reached for a handout. Arman turned towards her, and saw her hand, and this time the tears fell and he didn’t bother trying to hide them.
“I’m sorry I was such a terrible person to you. I was such a terrible person,” Arman wept, “And I just wanted to at least let you know that you didn’t deserve that. I know things have changed between us. And I know things will never be the same. But I do believe you dodged a bullet when we broke up. You freed yourself from someone who didn’t treat you the way you deserved. And in many ways, you helped me wake up to that fact. You made me realize how much I needed to change to be someone more deserving of love.”

Kelly stepped forward. She placed her open hand against his cheek. She felt him trembling against her touch. She felt him struggling to catch his breath. She braced herself against the train’s motions, planting both feet apart to keep her balance, and placed both hands on his face. Arman leaned forward, pressing his face against her hands, as he continued to whisper with his eyes closed, “I’m sorry, Kelly. I am so sorry.” Kelly felt her tears well up and break free. They both allowed the tears to fall even as the train began to slow down. A speaker above them blared and announced they were approaching the next stop. Kelly’s stop.
“I accept your apology, Arman. It’s okay now for real. I will admit, I was angry. I was very angry at you. I hated how you made me feel. I hated how I acted. I hated how I began to view the world. When I pulled away and disappeared, I just wanted it all to stop. I just wanted to take a moment to piece back together myself. I felt like I had shattered. Like I was betrothed to some horrible man whom I had no way to escape from. Not unless I took action. Not unless I walked away,” Kelly looked at Arman’s face. She could see each furrow that exposed the sadness in his heart. She could see the pain she felt reflected in him. She realized he too had been suffering. He too had been hating himself.
“You have to go,” Arman whispered. He still kept his eyes closed. He could not dare open them. It was just too much for him.
“Arman,” Kelly pushed her face against his. Their foreheads touched. Their noses too. Kelly stared at Arman’s closed eyes and she told him, “I forgive you. I want you to know that I forgive you.”
Arman nodded. The train whistled as the doors were about to close. To Arman and Kelly’s surprise, the people around them began to move. A group of girls began to cry out, calling for the train to wait. A mother with her baby began to pound on the glass, hoping to help get the driver’s attention. A man in a suit suddenly pushed forward, standing between the closing doors. Arman and Kelly watched as total strangers suddenly worked in unison, keeping the doors open long enough for her to slip through and step out. Kelly felt Arman wrap his arm around her and bring her towards the door. An elderly woman guided her to duck under the suited man’s legs. A group of schoolgirls cheered and took selfies with Kelly as she almost crawled out from under the man. The security guard blew his whistle and motioned for the train engineer to wait. Kelly straightened up and stood outside the train now, her hair a mess, but despite the streaks of tears on her cheeks, there was a glowing smile on her face.
The doors closed. The people on the train cheered. The security guard stared, dumbfounded and uncertain what just happened. And inside the train, visible through the glass doors, Arman smiled back at Kelly. The two realized what happened before had shaped them in many ways. Had helped them grow. And if anything, the two realized in the end, they were now better people. Time will tell if they’ll choose to be on the same tracks ever again. Or when.
The train began to move. Arman raised his hand to wave goodbye.
Kelly did the same.
But maybe, just maybe they both saw the other waving hello.

About Tobie
Tobie likes to write about terrible things and about beautiful things. It is not uncommon for the lines to blur. He is a storyteller and a game designer, spending his day job creating games for children, his weekends running games for friends, and when time permits, celebrating time with his loved one, Rocky, or his ever-supportive family.